Michelle over at her In My Humble Jewish Opinion blog writes a post about her concerns regarding the "Shidduch Crisis" where the average age for married girls has been falling to around the 18 year mark. See here.
My response was:
The "crisis" is part and parcel of the whole effort to keep girls from engaging in serious business and academic pursuits. If the girl's goal in life is to get married, then she won't even think about getting any advanced degrees and there's definitely no time to do anything substantial if there's a baby on the way the following year.
Getting girls married when they're still young and dependent is a perfect method for subjugating women. It's that simple.
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11 comments:
Frum,
At the very least, you should rely on common friends to set you up. Though the only girls I've ever gone out with were those who I knew personally. I have never gone on any blind dates or set-ups.
On the way-opposite flip side (not to knock your views), my friend's wife is a psychiatrist who has just way too many regretful patients who are women who got caught up in their careers and found it pretty much too late to get married.
Alex,
As in most things, there is a happy middle ground.
It's true that if girls get married young and conceive easily then the chance they'll get out and get a decent education is almost non-existant.
Exactly!
pragmatician, my life refutes your generalization. Ambition and perseverance.
The cry of crisis is also an effort by the religious community to address the "unacceptable" intermingling between the sexes that is also known as "frying out".
You make it sound as though it's a deliberate thing, which I don't think it is.
I know plenty of girls who are pursuing careers who really want to get married - many don't want a life where they have a career if they don't have a family to build that career around, and I don't think that that's necessarily a bad thing. Marriage shouldn't be something that just happens, it should be something you want.
At the same time, I definitely agree that the pressure to get married is ridiculous, and there's no reason why a 20 year old girl at a secular college should be made to feel like an old maid (I speak from experience, clearly ...)
Sarah,
I do believe that in some places this rush to marriage is intended for just that reason. Maybe not maliciously, but with the general background idea that women cannot support themselves, cannot stay at home forever, and so therefore it is best to have them married and out of tati's house earlier than later.
Other people see early marriage simply as the "erlicha" thing to do and promote it for that reason alone. But still, the mentality floating around in the background is that a) women cannot care for themselves or b) it's wrong for women to be self-sufficient.
Of course, for the kinds of girls that are generally already going to places like NYU, their families are already somewhat out of the "heimishe" mold.
I think you're seeing a simplified version of a much more nuanced issue.
I have more friends at nyu who are married, engaged, or about to be engaged than i do anywhere else ... and i have a lot more friends outside nyu than in, so it's not a statistical issue. so the q is: why are all these motivated girls who are on their way to leading successful lives so intent on getting married ASAP?
i agree that the whole idea of getting married early is definitely an outgrowth of the idea that women can't/shouldn't be alone - but the reason that it works is that women don't _want_ to be alone. In addition, it may be a myth, but there's a definite idea floating around that there's many more orthodox girls than guys out there, and most girls are simply terrified that if they don't find someone earlier, all the guys will be snapped up and they'll be left alone. It's the idea that they want to get married at some point, and the practical fact that if they don't find it now, they may never.
Sarah,
You're right. I have been simplifying a complex phenomenon. Sociology is a rather grey science and each individual has their own reasons for acting even while there may be a main dominating idea behind it all that they may not even be aware of. I think I've identified at least one of the main directors for what's going on.
I'd say shmirat negiya plays a role for both men and women in encouraging marriage at a young age. it's the only way to get any.
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