Monday, July 11, 2005

Dancing Enthusiasm

I went to a wedding last night, it was a real black hat affair. Separate seating, rabbis saying blessings to "eloheini," the whole deal. Now given all that, I'd just like to point out something that I'm sure we've all noticed but perhaps haven't really cognitized. I've been to a few weddings fairly spread along the Orthodox spectrum. But what really stands out is the unique experience one gets at a hareidi affair. The guests are so enthusiastic and they'll really dance until exhaustion.

Why is it that at a Modern Orthodox wedding, you'll see more people standing on the outside of the circle clapping politely than at a Yeshivish or UO wedding there'll be a lot more people in the fray? There's this sense of enthusiasm that's missing. Sure the guests are happy for the couple and will say as much but where is all the energy?

I'm not sure if there's any deep significance to this observation (it may not even be accurate since I have a limited sample group) but it's worth pointing out.

10 comments:

Sarah said...

Can't really say I've noticed the difference in enthusiasm, but at least at MO weddings, the couple usually looks like they're in love. At all the Chareidi weddings I've attended, the bride and groom look like they're about to die. Maybe because they haven't known each other for more than 4 months ...

Anonymous said...

>>>>>>at MO weddings, the couple usually looks like they're in love. At all the Chareidi weddings I've attended, the bride and groom look like they're about to die. Maybe because they haven't known each other for more than 4 months ...


Sarah,
do you think the apparent lack of love is due more to not knowing each other well or more to incompatibility that could be more likely when one does not have the time to get to know the other party?

Also in general as time progresses are their marriage as loving as modern?

Anonymous said...

You've obviously never been to a YU wedding. At the chassidishe weddings I've been to, there are more people standing on the outside talking than at the YU weddings.

Just Passing Through said...

Just a thought, but perhaps because a wedding provides the only venue for them to 'let go'?

Sarah said...

"do you think the apparent lack of love is due more to not knowing each other well or more to incompatibility that could be more likely when one does not have the time to get to know the other party?"

Obviously, I can only offer my own conjecture as to why it is, but to me it seems that it's not that they're necessarily incompatible, but that they're nervous. While many MO couples have been dating for a significant amount of time and KNOW that the person they're marrying is right for them, and have spent enough time with that person to really love him or her, those coming out of the UO shidduch system plain don't know each other well enough to be in love. Obviously, such a person is going to be somewhat nervous on their wedding day. Again, just my guess ...

amshinover said...

I had someone check out Heshy's place (964 E 3RD ST) this past shabas. He just reported back to me that its all true. About 70 people per meal, being a most diverse crowd; executives, intellectuals and average working stiffs. Heshy feeds them like in a restaurant ie salmon steak etc. I don't know where he gets the money from, but somehow he spends serious money on his guests. Also, Im told that he lives in a real mansion and that the hummer is there parked right outside. Im tempted to check this out for myself.

Orthoprax said...

Amshinover,

I did a backwards check on the white pages online. Found this: http://tinyurl.com/7z2vz.

Says the resident's name is Rong Zhou Tan, that doesn't sound like "Heshy" to me.

Oftentimes when a person hides their information like that it means that they may have something to hide...or that there's some funny business going on.

Enigma4U said...

Orthoprax,

If your entertainment options were limited, as they are for the hareidi (no television, no movies,no videos, no DVDs, highly censored reading and music material, etc.) wouldn't you jump at the opportunity to dance recklessly at a wedding?

As for Heshy, there is no mystery there. Check out this link to find out who owns the property listed for his address:

http://nycserv.nyc.gov/nycproperty/nynav/jsp/stmtassesslst.jsp

(Can't believe I am wasting my time on proving that Heshy really does exist....)

Enigma4U said...

Link above does not give full info on Ayatollah Heshy. Here is the info, courtesy of the New York City's Department of Building's website:

The Statements List displays information currently available for the Parcel you selected.
Parcel (BBL):
3-6499-47
Owner: ABE FRIEDMAN
Property Address: 964 EAST 3 STREET

Ben Avuyah said...

Orthoprax,

Maybe MO’s are a little more self conscious, because of their connection with the outside world. As in, “what would the guys at work think of me now”, while you are trying to spin your brother in law as fast as possible in an ancient Russian Khuzatzka. (might have made that last word up ?)